~Nightwish-045

Proud member of the , , and

Once again, I'm about to cry. This truly sucks. Isn't your father supposed to give you support and love?
Well, mine barely does. I'm not sayin he is abussive, 'cause he's not abussive AT ALL. Everything I'm saying is that most of times, when I'm with him, I feel very, and I mean VERY bad.
Why? Because I better not open my mouth, everything I say is senseless and idiotic to him. He never says that, but I know he thinks so. Don't tell me I imagine things, because that would be totally false. When he helps me to study, I can't tell him how I do things because he says I'm wrong and that it's so easy and he doesn't understand why I can't see it at first.
Cool, now you imagine my father as an abussive old jerk that can respect other's work. Well, that's not true. I already told you he is not like that. But he is more proud of my brother than he will ever be of me, for my brother is so intelligent and capable and nice and...you get the point. So I'm not half as good as my younger brother and that's why he is disappointed at me for everything I do being incorrect.
But that's not the problem. I'm about to cry because of what I feel because of that. I feel like I will never gain his pride again, like it's my whole fault that he has high expectations of me, higher than what I can give him. I feel like an idiot because it's truly very simple and I can't see it...because of never doing things right. It's not the first time that everyone around me is disappointed and/or hurt because of me. I'm starting to get used to this.

(P.S: I'm not about to cry now. I didn't cry. I'm okay. Thanks for reading. Sorry for wasting your time.)